Jeg skrev en lang post om dette for en blogg for en tid tilbake, jeg re-poster den her men den er på engelsk.
Building social networks
A few years after moving from Norway to Germany I broke up with my girlfriend and got my own place. At this point I realized... I have no friends here, none, zero, nil... I had a few colleges at work around my age but I never met them outside of work related events, so I had to start from scratch.
After spending a few years expanding my social network I have come to the conclusion that building social networks and picking up girls is very similar. Most of the rules and techniques that are important when dealing with potential lovers also apply when dealing with potential friends. Below I have tried to summarize the most important observations I have done over the years.
Don't be too picky
While you should be picky with your lovers, being picky with your friends (specially in the start) is not a good idea. Everyone has friends, people of the opposite sex you don't find attractive, people who you don't get along with too great, etc... Everyone has friends and chances are that you will like some of their friends. Of course if you hate their guts then don't bother with them, but don't dismiss someone you can stand just because you know you can never be BFF.
When I started out I was friendly with everyone regardless of my first impression, younger people, older people, ugly people, pathetic people, etc... Didn't matter, I was nice to them all and as a result I ended up with a rapidly expanding social network. I primarily built my initial group of friends from a single bar, but I was friendly with everyone so when new people came in they would often contact me since they saw me being nice to absolutely everyone in the bar.
Over time I have gradually filtered out the people I don't like that much and kept them as acquaintances, only letting the people I really like into my close social circle.
Abundance (ie. Don't be needy)
Abundance is a common word used in pickup, "the hungry don't get fed" is also a common line used. In the pickup sense it means that if you are desperate for sex or a relationship people will sense it and reject you.
When it comes to friendship the same thing goes, if you seem desperate for new friends or like you have no friends then most people will not want to be friends with you. They will fear that you will be needy since you don't have other options so they will reject you.
This goes extra for guys, women tend to have fewer closer friends while guys tend to have more acquaintances and less close friends. And the close friends we have are usually not BFF close. So even if you have no friends don't show it, pretend you got friends and try not to nag any new potential friends too much.
Introduce your friends to each other
Now this goes hand in hand with the point above, what could be better proof of you having lots of friends than you introducing your friends to each other (even if you just met them both that evening). This also strengthens your own bond to your friends, because now one thing they have in common is that they both know you. In the start they might even end up nagging you to arrange stuff so they can meet again, simply because they are not good enough friends to meet without you yet.
One more good thing about this is that it takes pressure off you, as your friends become friends they will eventually start arranging things without you (probably inviting you when it fits). This also saves you time when your network grows since you can invite larger groups of people instead of having to maintain connections to many small groups.
Personally I did this a lot when I was growing my social network, the first step was usually that I introduced my newer friends to some of my older friends on the evening we met. And since I eventually knew everyone in the bar I spotted new faces right away, so I would often go up and talk to the new people right after they arrived. Then I would introduce them to other people around them and just leave them to chat. Giving me time to socialize with other people, but if I wanted I could go back at any time and they would be friendly.
As my network grew I eventually started arranging BBQs in the local parks. I would invite all the groups of friends I had, then we would go out in the park to BBQ and in the evening move back to the regular bar. I still do this to this day, even though now days I mainly invite my good friends and new potential friends.
Security in the group
Most people feel more secure when they are part of a group, as such inviting new potential friends with you to do things solo is usually not a good idea. It makes it more likely that they will reject you since it can be fairly high pressure to go somewhere and hang out with a stranger alone. Particularly if they are of the opposite sex, then they will probably look at it as an invitation for a date.
So try to invite your friends and new friends to social events where they can safely hide within a group and they can bring friends of their own so they feel safe (also gives you new potential friends!). BBQ, movies, bars, clubs, paint ball, swimming, a beer after work, etc... Anything you can do as a group.
Social Proof
I already touched on this above, if you have a lot of friends around you then new people will be curious about you. It will also feel a lot safer for them since they can see that you are not needy or creepy, because if you were you wouldn't have that many friends would you?
On some evenings back in that bar there could be about 50 people there... and I knew absolutely everyone, maybe I didn't know their name but I was on talking/greeting terms with all of them. So I often had new people come up and saying stuff like "wow you know everyone" or "how do you know so many people?". And my existing acquaintances would introduce me as the guy who knows everyone. This was great for me as I didn't even have to put effort into expanding my social network further.
This is also how I met my last girlfriend, tons of social proof. Everyone talked to me so she wanted to talk with me as well since I seemed like fun.
Take responsibility
I heard a lot of foreigners that move to Norway complain about how Norwegians socialize. It is very common in Norway for people to be extremely friendly and make plans when they are out drinking, then the next morning all is forgotten. I found Germans are a bit better at this, but it still happens.
Because of this you will have to be the person that takes responsibility and make things happen. The benefit of this is that you will get a reputation for being a fun person that make things happen, which is not a bad reputation to have. Another great benefit is that once you start taking initiative this will often inspire others to do so as well.
Facebook
Facebook to social networking is like cellphones and sms to dating. It is one of the greatest inventions ever made and if you use it right it will help you immensely.
It is really easy to "facebook close" someone you meet, most people don't think of facebook and other social media as something scary and will not think twice about adding someone they just met. If you happen to have a phone with internet access you could even add them while you are still hanging out with them.
Once you got them on your facebook you can create your own group for your social network and invite everyone to join it. Then whenever you want to arrange something you can just slap a note up there and see how many respond.
"Let's go BBQ on Saturday at 17:00, leave a message here if you are coming!"
"Going to see <insert movie> this Wednesday at 18:00. Let me know if you want to come and I will order tickets!"
If you have a digital camera (who doesn't these days?) you can also put up photos from your events and tag all your friends in them (ask them first!). This is also an excellent excuse to add someone on facebook.
Conclusion
Making friends is extremely similar to pickup, with some small twists and a few additions, you can easily use the tools you have learned so far on this blog to expand your social network. It can be difficult to get the ball rolling, but once you get started it becomes easier and easier to expand your social network.
