dating

Bør jeg svare på felles snapper?

Vi har fått et leserspørsmål:

Hei, Gode Vibber!

Jeg har et spørsmål. Har chattet med ei dame i tre uker nå. Vi har møttes tre ganger, sist gang vi møttes så flørtet og tok vi en del på hverandre uten at det ble noe kyssing (vi var på spillkveld hos ei venninne av henne). Hun har sagt at hun koste seg veldig sist gang vi møttes, hvor jeg da skrev at jeg håpet at vi kunne møtes igjen snart, dette bekreftet hun at hun ønsket. Men etter at jeg var ute en helg, og jeg skrev en del meldinger til henne og hvor jeg til slutt lurte på om jeg kunne komme til henne, så virker det som at hun har mistet litt interessen. Hun sender en del snap (mulig dette er «felles snap») og svarer på spørsmålene jeg stiller til henne, hun stiller ikke spørsmål tilbake, men hun svarer mye mer enn at hun er avvisende. Hun har sagt at hun har det litt vanskelig på jobb om dagen, så mulig dette også er en årsak.
Har du noe tips på hvordan jeg skal forholde meg til henne? Hvordan bør jeg gå frem nå? Vi har snakket mye dagene før jeg var ute, så tenker at det kan bli litt rart om jeg bare dropper å svare på «felles snappene».

Hei!

Jeg tipper du har rett i magefølelsen din om at hun mistet bittelitt interessen etter at du sendte meldinger i fylla. At hun svarer utfyllende på meldinger er samtidig et tegn på at det fremdeles er håp. Det kan være en million forskjellige grunner til at hun er mindre på enn hun var, og mange av de har ingenting med deg å gjøre i det hele tatt. Kanskje hun har møtt en annen fyr i mellomtiden for eksempel?

Når det kommer til om du bør svare på snappene hennes, og generelt hvor ofte og hvor mye du burde skrive til henne, så kan jeg på generelt grunnlag gi deg følgende tips:

SMS, chatting, Snaps osv bør først og fremst være et verktøy for å avtale neste møte.

Det er nemlig kvaliteten på tiden dere har ansikt til ansikt som teller. Du bør med andre ord ikke tenke at du må «holde henne varm». Det gjør hun av seg selv hvis du gjorde en god jobb når dere var sammen. Hvis du bare gjorde en middels god jobb når dere var sammen, kan meldinger og snaps i verste fall ødelegge mer enn det hjelper. Det endrer seg etter at dere har begynt å date ordentlig og dere har blitt «et par». Da kan du sende så mye snapper du bare orker, så lenge balansen i hvem som sender er nogenlunde likt. I begynnelsen når du har møtt en ny jente bør du holde meldinger og snapper til et minimum, og heller forsøke å MØTE henne med ca 4 dagers mellomrom. Det betyr ikke at du bør bli helt radio silent, men at du ganske kjapt etter en date foreslår en ny date om 4-5 dager. La henne få lov til å savne deg litt.

Så, burde du svare på snappene hennes? Det kommer litt an på om de virkelig er fellessnapper, eller om de kun er sendt til deg. Hvis det er tydelig at de er sendt kun til deg bør du svare, men hvis det er fellessnapper trenger/bør du ikke det. Ihvertfall ikke hele tiden.

En annen god regel er å hele tiden doble tiden mellom hver gang du inviterer på date, dersom hun fremdeles virker interessert, men hele tiden utsetter å møtes. Grunnen til det er at når jenter er tydelig interesserte men hele tiden utsetter så er grunnen veldig ofte at de dater en annen og vil se om det kan bli noe før de eventuelt begynner å date deg. Ved å doble tiden mellom hver gang du spør om å møtes er sjansen stor (men gradvis mindre og mindre) for at hun før eller siden er tilbake på markedet og klar for å møtes igjen.

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